PCT Day 22: Life Is What You Make It
First off, it is WELLNESS WEDNESDAY – A day just to check in on my physical, mental, and emotional well-being. Like am I good???
Hey yall. I know it’s been a while since I’ve blogged. A lot has happened between day 7 and today. I got off trail on May 5 to go back home. I had some personal problems to tackle. I was on trail with my then partner and things changed so, I went home to regroup myself. I needed to make preparations for being alone.
And I think those things needed to happen to help me get back in the right mindset. Not just for blogging, but for the trajectory of my whole life.
You know the saying, everything happens for a reason? I’m not quite sure how I feel about it actually. I think it’s important to recognize that I am behind the wheel of my life. While some things are out of my control, I always have the choice to make the most out of it all.
“Stop measuring days by productivity and start experiencing them by a degree of presence.”
I can’t say that I’m feeling perfectly comfortable. I am alone. I am lost. Mentally I am exhausted. I am feeling every emotion possible. When I look into the future, I have a vision. There are dreams and aspirations. But now there’s a hole. There are pieces of my heart walking around the world, and no longer inside/beside me. And that’s a hard thing to deal with. It’s even harder to keep looking into that vision of mine, and seeing things change.
Not to be all mysterious, but I feel like going home and taking a break helped me achieve a death and rebirth. I am a different person now than I was when I first left the trail. My pack is heavier than before. So I have to get physically stronger. I have to be even more careful and vigilant with my surroundings than I already was, which takes more mental efforts. I don’t have anyone to talk to whenever I want on trail, so I have to process my feelings in isolation. It’s just the trees and I, sharing these moments.
Am I good??? Yes I am okay. I can take care of me. I have an amazing support system making sure I am alright. But things are changing in me. And I refuse to hide from that. The purpose of hiking this trail is changing drastically before my eyes. I must stay strong, and keep moving forward.
“A truly strong person isn’t who shouts the loudest or fights the hardest. It’s the people who know when to stand firm, and when to let go. When to lead with gentleness, and when to step back with self respect. “
So that’s all for today’s entry. I’ll be writing for Taco Thursday in the next entry tomorrow 5/22. Thank you so much for reading. Much love to you.
-Belle
