PCT Day 24: Scary Thoughts

First off, it is PHILISOPHICAL PHRIDAY  – A day to reflect on life’s big questions through the lens of the trail. My deepest reflections on an idea, realizations, or internal challenge.

Today I pondered over the question, who would I be if I wasn’t afraid? If you read the previous entry before this one, you saw that I quoted that question. It was from something I read online. I’ll also be playing off some things I discussed Thursday as well.

Most people I know, will probably tell you that I am fearless. No lie. They will tell you I’m confident, sure of myself, and ready to tackle any situation that comes my way.

But everyone has fears, and I am no exception to that. In fact, one of my biggest fears, is the fear of failure/embarrassment. It seems cliche when I write it out like that. But it’s absolutely true. My fear of failure is so strong that failure is never even served on the table as an option.

Maybe you’re thinking, isn’t that a good thing? If you’re afraid of failure then you’ll never endure a fail? NO. Don’t tell yourself that.

See the problem with this type of fear, is that it becomes a mindset. And because of that, the definition of failure is 10000% subjective to the mind. Everyone has their own idea of what a failure looks like. And everyone has their own opinion of what success looks like. A failure to one might be a success to another.

So how does this apply back to me? My fear of failure causes me not to act on things where I could possibly lose. Huge acts of commitment are difficult for me because the idea of messing it up is so overwhelming, it makes me shiver.

I don’t want to maintain this bad habit. I don’t want to miss out on the growth I could see for myself. And I think I need to begin with recognizing that a loss, is not a failure. But rather just a lesson of what not to do. That falling short when I’m exerting all my efforts in all areas of my life, is just inevitable.

So that’s all for today’s entry. I’ll be writing for Storytelling Saturday in the next entry tomorrow 5/24. Thank you so much for reading. Much love to you.

-Belle